Holiday Hype

Wednesday April 15th my eldest daughter turned 5. This year her birthday happened to fall during spring break and Covid. We planned to go to Hawaii with my in-laws for a week, and had looked forward to playing in the warm ocean and eating endless amounts of pineapple and shave ice. When the closures surrounding Covid began we realized that her celebration would be different, little did we know how different.

I love a good reason to celebrate as long as it doesn’t force me to be the center of attention. My kids birthdays are an excuse to Pinterest, craft, and plan all in the name of love. The hope is that my daughters see this as an extension of my love and that they are surrounded by people that truly care and celebrate them. This will be the third year my daughter hasn’t had a traditional birthday, and that is a new tradition for us.

I have struggled with her disinterest in almost all things surrounding a traditional birthday celebration. She doesn’t want a party with all her friends and tons of presents which is what I had growing up. She definitely wants to call all the shots on that day, watch lots of movies, and get to eat desert after all meals. The past few years I have tried to honor her and how she wants to celebrate, channeling my inner party planner for an epic 4th of July bash.

Turning 5 is a milestone. Every day that passes I see Orly become her own person. How do we celebrate this milestone in our family? Well it takes discarding some of my own baggage. I want to have the Pinterest worthy party with the singing and the goodie bags. My daughter wants to pick out a Frozen 2 cake and lay around in her pajamas with us, that’s her idea of perfect.

Where does this baggage come from? I think if I take an honest look it comes from the pressure to fit in and the “keeping up with the Jones’s” mentality. I have to ask myself why do I want a party? I want it because I like to have people celebrate my awesome kid. I also want her to get the attention, and somehow that somehow that attention will make her feel loved. Truth be told, spending the day with her favorite people is what makes her feel loved. When I am in a big crowd it might meet some subconscious need of knowing I have friends but its truly my intimate circle that makes me feel loved and treasured. Thanks Orly for teaching me that I can be treasured by the people who love me, however large or small that group may be.

Orly will be the first to tell you this was her best birthday ever. This morning she reminded me how fun of a day she truly had. David and I found some balloons from a leftover party, spent hours blowing them up, and created an epic arch. Previously I would have been frustrated I had her unfavorite colors, and that it didn’t fit with the rainbow theme. This year I was forced to embrace that it had other awesome colors. We had pancakes, I wanted them to be unicorns, but had no idea what I was doing with a metal cookie cutter, so I threw in some food color. Again a major win in my daughters eyes, so what’s making me feel disappointed. Where did this idea, if it’s not perfect, its wrong come from? I thank children for giving me a perspective that can allow me to have more inner peace.

We skipped the morning walk, Orly was not walking on her birthday. After a movie, lots of playing, and treats we put little sister to bed and watched Trolls 2. We were all asked to wear pjs and I chose to not look at my phone during the movie. Some of the highlights of the day through her eyes were watching extra TV, everyone playing together, Ice Cream cake, and cuddles until she fell asleep. Wow, I don’t think my decorations and invitations could have made it better, but being present, and following her lead made it magical.

Earth Day

Following up my Pinterest craft post isn’t going to be easy but this was fun and educational. During the morning walk we often negotiate how many sticks, shells and bugs can come home. Today on our morning walk, we brought a small basket and collected things we found on the ground. I don’t let Orly pick anything living, and asked her not to put trash in the basket today. I taped two pieces of brown paper together, cut out a piece of cardboard (from a box) and we glued the flowers, stems, succulents, and other items to it. The arts and crafts project including the walk filled the entire morning but also sparked a question about earth, and earth day.

I love the tough questions. I think that acknowledging and making room for these questions is one of the most important parts of parenthood. Dr. Suess answers why earth day is so important in his book, “The Lorax”. If you haven’t read that book, I recommend it. The story talks about a group that finds a resource and then uses that resource up and the consequences. Earth day is April 22nd every year, the largest secular observance, and focuses on finding ways to protect the earth.

How do I talk about this with my child the answer is always honestly IMO. We can talk about upsetting things with our child in an age appropriate way – ALWAYS. So today I told Orly the truth, we have Earth Day because for many years people haven’t taken care of the earth in a sustainable way. That we take more than we need, make decisions that aren’t necessarily best but make money, and Earth Day is a special day to remember that we as people can make a difference. I asked her what she wanted to do to thank and respect the earth, that answer for her centers around trash, not littering and picking up other peoples.

The observance of earth time started during Vietnam. This was a time when our country was deeply divided. Everything was fragile and as the economy came back so did the environmental impacts. I think its safe to say things are fragile now, and that we have things that divide us. I hope that earth day is an opportunity to share how decisions have pros and cons from how long we shelter in place to if we drive versus walk. When we share our truth, kids learn how to make better more informed decisions.

Pinterest Crafts

I spend the little free time I have searching Pinterests for activities. I am not so secretly hoping these things take up time, little supplies, and can be done independently. Although most photos taken and posted are not only clean, artistic, and inside the lines they are misleading. The Pinterest worthy photos not only are unrealistic but they seem to dismiss everyones best effort. For example a craft that a 1 year old and 4 year old are going to have vastly different outcomes, both beautiful. When I pick a Pinterest craft the end result has very little to do with what I chose. Orly, Talya, and I decided to try our hand at a specific craft and we had not only beautiful outcomes but I engaged them and challenged them each separately.

Orly lives in a world of glitter, gems, rainbows and unicorns. The decor of her stay at home 5th birthday was rainbow unicorns. I decided we would make sun catchers (is that a thing). Basically, I found a craft that we had all the supplies for, seemed engaging and wouldn’t make a mess I couldn’t recover from. This is how we Pinterest around here these days

Requirements

  • takes up time, the more the better
  • Orly wants to do it
  • have all the supplies at home
  • doesn’t make an enormous mess
  • they can do most of it without my constant help

Supplies

  • glue/stappler/tape
  • paint (any color that you want the sun to be)
  • cardboard or paper place
  • construction paper
  • scissors
  • markers

Directions:

  1. Pump up how fun this is going to be. Make sure that your kids know that art is something extra special and using multiple mediums like paint, paper and scissors in the coolest
  2. I folded a paper plate in half and stapled
  3. The girls painted the plates while I cut the strips of paper
  4. For my older daughter I put out 6 pieces of construction paper, and had her glue gems corresponding to the dots. For my younger daughter I gave her strips and crayons.
  5. after the plate dried, we taped the pieces to the bottom of the paper plate, added a string to hang, and drew a face.
  6. For extra you can cut out smaller triangles to the circular top of the plate, my older daughter only stayed interested to color a few.
making it engaging for an older child – we decorated with gems that corresponded to the above numbers

All in all… this took longer than expected. It also gave an opportunity for Orly to practice counting, and patience. It was very little mess and almost zero prep time. Talya was less engaged in the painting than I thought but did like coloring the rainbow pieces. She did paint parts of her body and chair that took some elbow grease to clean up.

Traditions

A tradition is a custom or belief passed from generation to generation. When I think of the word tradition it makes me think of holidays; Hannukah, Easter, Christmas, Passover, New Years Eve, Memorial Day and my favorite July 4th. I have a lot of memories celebrating holidays in ways that were passed down and have spent a lot of time creating traditions for my family to pass down. What traditions do you have? What traditions do you want to create for the next generations? These are important questions because the way we relate to the world is often an extension of the way we connect to our family.

Talya and I celebrating a birthday

Wearing Christmas jammies, eating BBQ beef and broccoli on halloween, Having my aunt Joyce recite the 9 months of childbirth, these are all traditions that were passed down to me. But why are traditions so important, why do we put such an emphasis continuing some and cringe with anxiety about the pressure of others. Growing up my grandparents celebrated Christmas in the way of tradition more than religion. We had a sleepover with our cousins, wore matching pajamas (Lanz nighties), opened stockings and what seemed like a million presents, and ate bacon, donuts and crispy hash browns. This tradition was about family and spending time making memories, not about religion. Traditions unfold your family values in an experiential way. I didn’t think that my family was christian because we celebrated Christmas but I know that they valued good food and togetherness. The matching outfits have been something that I have carried down to my family, when we are all wearing the same thing we are part of the same crew, everyone knows we are together, family

Celebrating Hannukah Christmas Day in matching PJs

My mom always made BBQ beef and broccoli on Halloween every year. No, I don’t make it every year for my family, this year we had pizza and candy, but every time I see BBQ beef I am reminded of a special time in my childhood. While these feelings are recalled, I smile, and almost feel excited to go ring doorbells. My dad also took of two weeks every August to spend time together in Southern Michigan. This was a new tradition started by my parents, and something I include my kids in. We go to Michigan and spend tons of family time playing games, swimming, walking, picking blueberries. It’s a haul to get to MI from Southern CA, but this tradition of making family time a priority was modeled for me. My family might not have had collections passed down but we found a way to share in a different way.

blueberry picking in MI

I love the idea of tradition, having customs to pass on and share with my family. I feel like having these customs illustrates to my daughters what I value. We always talk about gratitude, inclusivity and kindness so of course my customs come with large celebrations of all things; Passover, Easter, July 4th, New Years Eve. We invite loved ones and make sure that anyone who wants to come is welcome at our house. This is one of the places my values align with my customs, creating new traditions for my family.

So, what is a tradition that isn’t tied to a holiday or religion. That took more thought, a lot of the things that quickly came to mind were around cultural celebrations. Can where we sit at the table be a tradition? I don’t know but in the family I grew up in we all sat in the same place every night for dinner and my family does the same. Is it a tradition that we order out or go out every Saturday night? I think so, we value taking the night off.

Halloween 2019

There are some traditions that no longer work, and that have pain attached. Those are ok to stop, not all traditions need to be passed down from generation to generation. We were not allowed to decorate our house during December growing up, that no longer works for my family, and we hang ALL THE LIGHTS. My parents made us study without music and supervised, that doesn’t sit well with my husband, anything else feels foreign because of my upbringing, we will decide what our tradition will be as my kids get older.

This time has left me with a lot of time and no time. But, I am thinking about what I am passing on to my children. Am I sharing traditions that align with our current values, and am I releasing the ones that no longer serve us. We all come to the table with ideas about the way things should be, it’s painful to look and let go of some of those. What traditions are you sharing with the next generation? And what is leaving?

helping with Passover Tzimmes

Carmel Matzah Crunch

I know not everyone celebrates Passover, a Jewish holiday. But, I am going to writing a post about the importance of tradition. For me holidays and traditions have evolved with time, but the always center around food. I love to cook and bake, an unusual combination. When I cook its an opportunity to give a part of myself to the people I love, sharing my traditions and in some cases value.

For those of us who show they care with food, I introduce “matzah crack” This is a staple for Passover. It can be eaten as a desert or as a snack. I just recommend not starting if you are planning to only have one. Its the kind of crunchy, sweet, salty snack that keeps having you eat one more piece.

Ingredients:

  • Matzah 5-6 sheets
  • Brown Sugar
  • Butter
  • Chocolate Chips
  • Sea Salt
  • anything else you want to add
  • pecans, crushed almonds, coconut

Steps:

  1. Preheat oven to 350
  2. Line baking sheets with parchment paper
  3. Matzah needs to fit on baking sheets, I usually get 2 full sheets then break the third to use on the bottom
  4. Melt 1/2 # butter, add 1 cup brown sugar and mix thoroughly
  5. Use a large spoon and cover matzah, this doesn’t need to be perfect
  6. Bake 5 minutes then switch and bake for 5 more minutes
  7. Add 1/2 cup per baking sheet of chocolate chips totallying 1 cup
    1. let chips sit for a minute before spreading, this makes chocolate less clumpy
  8. Add salt and any other topping of choice
  9. Refrigerate
  10. After an hour break the pieces and store in airtight container

MOST IMPORTANTLY ENJOY LIKE TALYA!!!

I hope everyone enjoys chocolate as much as Talya

Real Talk – The F Word

Where does your brain go when you hear the “F” word. Sometimes my mind goes to FUCK. Did my kid hear that word in my house and repeat it. I remember when I said fuck growing up at home my dad made me look the word up in the dictionary, FOUND UNDER CARNAL KNOWLEDGE, and left it at that. The word has become a regular used reaction for some people, a part of everyday lingo, or something that you can disapprove of but its power has diminished over time. The F word I am talking about isn’t Fuck, that would be way to easy, its Fat.

Growing up my experience with body, food, and the relationship between was very positive. I would almost call it a body positive household. It wasn’t understood the importance of using words like strong and not criticizing peoples weight. My mom always seemed comfortable in her own skin and showed us that skin. I didn’t think that my body was something to be hidden or be mad at, it just was. We definitely used terms like, “the clean plate club” and drank soda, those things weren’t criminal 30+ years ago. I never doubted if my body was anything but the way it was supposed to be. Let me tell you, I wasn’t a string bean, but a chubby girl with very developed breasts at a young age.

my own experience has been a mixed bag, but mostly good. I became aware of weight in general later in life, probably high school or after. I have found self esteem in my personality and the way I looked seemed to be more fluid regardless. I think that middle school is awful for most, high school wasn’t a great period for me (I will need to get more confident in this blogging thing before that) and then I just kinda thinned out. I remember living on my own in Minneapolis and becoming aware that I looked different than some people but didn’t necessarily have a judgement about how that pertained to my own weight. I know this experience is probably not common. Don’t get me wrong, I think I was teased a few times and called fat. Does anyone get through public school with a different experience? With the instagram culture, weight and body image, are volatile and on the surface of every selfie. So I guess, thanks mom, for not giving me any reason to doubt that it was ok to like myself and my body regardless of the size.

Moving along to life as an adult (or the age equivalent of adulthood) I’ve never felt so confused. I have met so many woman with horrible self images, eating disorders, hatred, and constant weight obsession. I have first handily watched someone suffer from an eating disorder that controlled most moments of the waking hours. I have heard stories about woman hating the way they looked as soon as they look in the mirror. I know other woman who’s parents pressured them to be a certain size, that might have been unattainable for them. Unfortunately its all to common, and what the FUCK can we do about it.

My job as a mother has been to prepare my daughters on how to handle life on its terms, as scary as that is. Although I want to control her every experience to avoid pain at all cost, that is doing her an immense disservice. I want her to feel comfortable in her own skin regardless of the size of that skin. I want her in the same breath to take care of her physical health and know the value of exercise and good eating habits. I started my experience with my oldest child avoiding all sugar, using only body positive words, and being very mindful of the way I talked about myself. I will explain the avoid all sugar in a later blog post, but it worked well for us. Orly never heard me attack my body, and I avoided conversations with other woman that did. You would be surprised how often people comment on weight changes, or maybe you wouldn’t be. I didn’t want my daughter to hear me feel better because I was thin, or worse because I was heavier. She isn’t the person I share that journey with.

So you’ll imagine how taken aback I was when my daughter (5 years old) asked me what fat meant. My heart skipped a beat, and my mind raced, where did she hear that? Did someone call her fat? My answer was inline with my beliefs. Fat is a size that refers to how much space someone takes up. I didn’t ask her more questions than I do when she asks what creation means, I simply respond, “to make”. I gave her examples of other descriptors: tall, strong, weak, little. I discussed that fat in our world has a mean attachment, because that is our unfortunate truth. How I can change my daughters experience is showing her that I love myself for who I am, not how I look. I can treat others of all shapes, sizes, religions, races the on how they act not look. I can also let her know that sometimes people tear people down and say mean things, but that’s about them. This F word has baggage and the power to hurt, so we need to treat it with care and understanding.

CONSIDER TRYING A CSA OR IMPERFECT PRODUCE BOX

WHAT TO DO WITH THE EGGPLANT?

FARMERS MARKETS, FOR THE MOST PART, ARE CLOSED FOR THE FORSEEABLE FUTURE. THE FARMERS STILL HAVE FOOD, BUT LACK A CENTRAL LOCATION TO SELL. AN OPTION FOR THE TIME BEING IS TO BUY CSA BOXES, CHECK YOUR AREA TO FIND ONE THAT DELIVERS TO YOU. THERE ARE MANY PROS TO USING THESE SERVICES THAT GO FURTHER THAN SUPPORTING YOUR LOCAL FARMER. THE FOOD IS ALMOST ALWAYS FRESHER, TOUCHED BY LESS PEOPLE, AND IN SEASON. THE ONE DOWNSIDE CAN BE THAT THE AVAILABLE FRUITS AND VEGGIES AREN’T FOODS THAT YOU ARE USED TO EATING OR COOKING WITH. DON’T LET THAT STOP YOU, THE INTERNET IS YOUR GREATEST TOOL WHEN STUMPED WITH HOW TO EAT A NEW VEGETABLE, LIKE AN EGGPLANT.

PERSONALLY, I HAVE USED IMPERFECT PRODUCE, A SERVICE THAT SELLS FOOD THAT DOESN’T MEET GROCERY STORES APPEARANCE STANDARDS, FOR YEARS. THIS PAST WEEK TWO EGGPLANTS CAME IN MY IMPERFECT PRODUCE BOX. AT FIRST, I WAS INTIMIDATED BY THE EGGPLANT. I HAVE TRIED PAN FRYING BUT IT ALWAYS BECAME GOOEY, SO I DECIDED TO TRY MAKING MY FAVORITE MIDDLE EASTERN SNACK- BABAGANUSH. AFTER SCANNING THE INTERNET, I FOUND RECIPES, WHICH I ADAPTED TO FIT WITH THE TIME, TOOLS AND SPICES IN MY KITCHEN.

Ingredients:

  • 2 eggplants thinly sliced
  • salt
  • olive oil – drizzle
  • 5 TB lemon juice
  • 4 cloves garlic, chopped
  • 3 TB tahini

The Steps:

  1. Set the eggplant in a bowl, sprinkle with salt, let sit for ten minutes.
  2. Broil the eggplant for 10 minutes and let cool.
  3. But all ingredients in the cuisinart/blender/vitamix **use what you have

more info….

CSA: COMMUNITY SUPPORTED AGRICULTURE, IT IS A WAY OF SUPPORTING SOCIAL AND ECOLOGICALLY RESPONSIBLE FARMING PRACTICES. THE MAJORITY OF FOOD FALLS UNDER THE PRINCIPLES OF ORGANIC FARMING

HOW TO FIND: https://www.localharvest.org/csa/

IMPERFECT PRODUCE: THE MISSION IS TO ELIMINATE FOOD WASTE AND BUILD A BETTER FOOD SYSTEM FOR EVERYONE

HOW TO FIND: https://www.imperfectfoods.com

PERSONAL RECOMMENDATIONS: I LOVE THE FOOD DIVERSITY WITH THE IMPERFECT PRODUCE BOX. THE VEGETABLES OFTEN ARE “PERFECT” TO THE NAKED EYE. SOMETIMES THE FOOD IS INTERESTING/DIFFERENT AND THE KIDS THINK THATS SUPER COOL. I PERSONALLY LIKE THE DRIED MANGO PIECES AND THE EGGPLANT.

to FIGHT or not to FIGHT

MY OLDEST DAUGHTER IS IN PRESCHOOL

I HAVE ZERO TRAINING OR EDUCATION IN CHILDREN

THIS IS ONLY MY EXPERIENCE AND OPINION, ALWAYS DO WHAT RESONATES WITH YOU

When news broke that my daughter wasn’t going to be attending school for the foreseeable future I went into major planning mode. I have a playroom that is perfect transition to temporary classroom. I immediately filled up a shopping cart (for pickup) from lakeshore learning center, got on every blog and Pinterest page I could find, and got to business. I am a realist, the schedule only included an hour of academic time. I thought how bad could one hour really be? I decided we’d do the most popular book on amazon and then practice two letters a day. I was even excited.

Week one went amazingly well. The hour was more like ninety minutes and it made the day go by quickly. The lessons got increasingly harder to teach and understand. The lessons include a section on rhyming, my daughter clearly doesn’t understand the concept of rhyming. This week began and Monday went ok, I mean its freaking hard to teach a kid to read, especially when you have absolutely no experience. The best of intentions haven’t stopped me from getting agitated, hangry, or impatient. Tuesday came around and Orly flat out said she didn’t want to “do school”. This is one of those moments when my response seems really important.

I have two options. The first is to force her to do school. I can use my power as mom to make her sit down, review the letters, practicing writing them, and then struggle through each chapter in the lesson. Yes, my daughter would learn U & V. She would probably be able to write umbrella after the lesson. Option two; I say ok, and come up with a backup plan. My resistance to allow option two comes from fear that I will have to play another hour, fear that the next time I ask her to do something she won’t, fear that I will lose power. This week I chose option two, I said ok, school is a privilege (which I truly believe) and if you don’t want to do it then you can play independently for an hour, the time we would be doing school.

Guess what, it worked. I mean she only made it 47 minutes but life isn’t black and white. We didn’t fight, I actually got some time alone. We transitioned to the next activity, a piano lesson, ok. It wasn’t perfect but I allowed myself to remove my agenda and change course because does a preschooler need to write umbrella. How do we decide when it’s something that needs to be pushed and when is coming together peacefully what’s most important.